Conflicts Became My Friends
I was born in Savanna-la-mar, a very violent area in Jamaica. Fortunately, this was considered the safest area compared to other neighboring communities. Violence was a norm, and people know they cannot tell the police who are committing the crimes, because if the criminals find out that someone is informing on them to the police, then they will kill that person by whatever means necessary. I was around a lot of criminals and delinquents, but I did not see where I fit in. I tried not to be a part of any gangs or groups to cause any unnecessary threats to my life. To do this, I had to be friendly with everyone but distant enough for anyone to not think I am in someone’s gang or group. I also learned a handy skill so that I would not be in any confrontation with anyone. Typically, most confrontations ended in someone dying. This simple but effective skill was avoiding conflicts.
Being around so many angry and trigger-happy individuals, I became very accustomed to avoiding conflict to the point where I literally cannot remember any conflicts in my past. By doing this, almost everyone liked me, and no one had anything bad to say about me. Avoiding conflicts was very difficult because it came naturally to object to something that I did not agree with. However, I still believe that this trick is one of the reasons why I am still alive today.
In 2015, I was offered a Soccer scholarship by USC Salkehatchie, which I accepted with open hands. I was curious to see the changes in cultures, people, and experiences. After a few weeks in South Carolina, I noticed many changes in culture and people. With all the changes, I remained the same person. I still avoided conflicts. However, I realized I did not need to be so determined to avoid conflicts because this environment was different from the one I lived in Jamaica. It was still hard to adapt because it has been a part of who I am. I did not know any better.
In 2018, I took Negotiation and Conflict in the Workplace with Dr. David Hunter. This class changed my entire views on conflicts. At first, he gave us a test which would indicate what type of person we are pertaining to conflicts. Unsurprisingly, my test results concluded that I was a conflict avoider. A conflict avoider is a person that instincts are to avoid conflicts. Conflict avoidance is not a good idea/theory because it causes a festering of tension, weakens productivity, and diminishes teamwork. The personality test informed me that I almost always avoid conflicts. At this point, I started to realize how impactful avoiding conflict is. Dr. Hunter wanted me to work on this, and his assignments and readings helped me to understand the disadvantages of avoiding conflicts. For many assignments, Dr. David Hunter asked that I think of a recent conflict or situation and explained what happened.
I would always write about conflicts I avoided especially with my girlfriend. Then the next assignment would ask, “How do you feel when something bothers you, and you don’t address it? This assignment would open my eyes to seeing the disadvantages of avoiding conflicts. I was starting to see how I acted differently when I avoid conflicts. I remembered vividly, my girlfriend asking me if she could go to a party with her friends and I said, “Yes.” In truth, I did not want her to go because I did not like her friends, and I thought they would influence her to do bad things, like smoking, drinking, etc. I remember the morning after, when I was talking with her, I could feel a tension when I was talking with her. I didn’t want to say good morning. I didn’t want to be a gentleman to her anymore. With all these changes in my behavior, I would still tell her, “There is no problem, we are cool!” Cases like these would happen over and over. I only started to realize the effect it was having on me and how I dealt with someone that I avoided a conflict with. There was always a negative thought in the back of my mind when I avoided a conflict. This negative thought would always find a way to express itself when I was communicating with the person that I avoided the conflict with.
Negotiation and Conflict in the Workplace taught me the disadvantages of avoiding conflicts and opened my mind to adapting better in this country. This class did not in any way shape or form, indicate that I should engage in every conflict, but it sure did educate me on how to engage some positively. I now use this knowledge everywhere I go. If there is a slight problem or issue, I address it, and many times it makes the situation a better one. This class also made me less aggressive so that anyone I talk with will feel more comfortable to share their thoughts with me. This will help decrease the number of times people will have a problem with me and are afraid to address it. The result of this will significantly decrease unsolved problems with others and myself. This knowledge helps me to be more genuine and open to people. I now speak with honesty and clarity. This class has changed my experiences with people to the point where I can communicate with anyone without the fear of saying the wrong thing. Now that I am in a different environment and seeing how differently people are towards conflicts, it makes me understand that people do and say things based on their surroundings. With this knowledge, I will know to look for the reasons why people do what they do instead of judging them without knowing their stories. I’ve learned that not everyone was brought up the same way. For instance, in my case being raised in Jamaica, I quickly learned that keeping my thoughts to myself and avoiding conflict at all cause was pretty much a life or death deal. However, if I was raised in the United States of America, I would’ve learned to understand that avoiding conflict in most instances is a negative trait here in the country and that if I don’t avoid it, I would probably be in less awkward or uncomfortable situations.
I had a situation at work, where an international recruit that we were in contact with was emailing everyone from the admissions department. The head of the admissions department told me about the situation and explained that they have no time to be answering emails from Kristoff. Kristoff was a great player, and we needed him. I did not want to say something that he might find offensive and make him change his mind about attending here because we have had similar cases like these which I addressed before and the players took it as an offense and withdrew their applications. However, I knew the right thing to do was address the situation and let him know. So I revised the email that we usually send to players that regularly message the admission department and this time I had a positive result. After I addressed the situation, Kristoff got to understand what he was doing wrong and how he could get what he wanted the right way. By addressing the problem, it built a stronger relationship with Kristoff and USC Salk.
I am thrilled I took this class that continues to shape me into a better person.
Conflicts became my friends.
Artifacts
Below are my artifacts. The first one is an assignment I wrote for Dr. David Hunter. The second is a time when I engaged in a conflict with a potential player via email, and last but not least, a picture of the potential player when he was representing USC Salkehatchie.
How I feel when I avoid a conflict | |
File Size: | 7 kb |
File Type: | docx |
When I Addressed a Conflict with Kristoff via Email | |
File Size: | 130 kb |
File Type: | png |
Kristoff Representing USC Salkehatchie | |
File Size: | 214 kb |
File Type: | jpg |